Is there life after cancer? I'm just not sure yet.
I don't mean that life can't go on or that it can't be wonderful and happy and full. Oh it does and is!
It just doesn't seem like anyone can tell me when after cancer is.
Most people ask me "So are you finished with all your treatments?" or "So are you in remission?" Essentially, "Is the cancer gone?"
These questions aren't as easy to answer as I expected! I apologize for when I just say "sure!" to make you feel better when really I mean "its a bit more complicated than that." Let me update you on exactly what I mean.
I had my 6th and final chemotherapy treatment in Rexburg in July. I didn't have a party or even balloons or anything; I was just happy to be done! My sister was visiting so we did a fun little bald photoshoot. We had to take advantage of the opportunity--when am I going to be bald again?? (Oh I'm praying that was a once in a lifetime!).
As soon as I returned to Mesa I started radiation therapy. It was a 10 minute appointment 5 days/week for 6 weeks. They put you on a table in a big room and line you up exactly with laser beams on all sides of you. Then they leave you all alone while the machine whirs around you zapping you with radiation waves in exactly the spots where the cancer was. It doesn't take long, but the loud sounds made me uncomfortable. I just took my favorite songs in my brain and that helped a lot! I was extremely blessed that my skin did amazingly well, and a friend gave me a cream that helped me heal. Many people have blistering and burning and itching. All the doctors and nurses told me how 'lucky' I was :).
So YES! I am finished with chemo and radiation! However, I still go in to my oncologist every three weeks for a drug called herceptin. It's an injection that is supposed to keep cancer from growing, but thankfully doesn't have a whole lot of other side effects. I'll finish that in April :). My doctor also wants me to start an oral drug called tamoxifen that most people are on for 5-10 years. I also have a multiple reconstructive surgeries in the next year. So.... doctors. For like the rest of my life. But that's why I chose doctors that I really like!!
The next question: Am I in remission? That term is a bit confusing to me (see the link for further explanation). What I do know is that in April they did a PET scan and found no sign of cancer in my body! Hooray! (*exhale now*) Everyone was so relieved! On the other hand, apparently there is a chance that little undetectable cancer floaties could be wandering around my body. And who knows if the cancer is environmental and could start up the same way it did before! Every treatment is meant to decrease my chances of recurrance, and I have frequent scans and tests for probably forever to make sure I'm clean and clear.
I'm sorry if this isn't making you feel better.
But you asked! Okay, well a lot of you did. Its just a lot of realities that are just part of my life now, and that's okay! I am blessed on so many levels: some people with cancer will be on chemotherapy for the rest of their lives, or are untreatable altogether. Some amazing women I know are fighting off their 2nd or 3rd round of breast cancer! Most people in general have a much more difficult time with the treatments than I had, physically AND emotionally. And this is just talking about cancer! Some brave people I know struggle with illnesses that have yet to be diagnosed or that have no treatments or cure. And even more difficult, many are dealing with emotional trials seemingly all alone. No offense, but whoever is reading this, honestly I will take my trial over yours. And I will pray for you in return!
As you talk to people you know with cancer, please understand and be sensitive that the battle may never truly be over for many. Honest and open questions are always welcomed and appreciated. But also know that cancer is not all we think about! In fact I love talking about the other things in my wonderful life! Cancer sometimes takes up a lot of time, but it is NOT my life, and it is NOT me. I am loving the ups and downs of being a third year orchestra teacher, awkwardly trying to stay in the dating game, being involved in my church, performing with EVMCO, meeting new people and keeping up with friends and family. This month has opened my eyes more fully to how richly blessed I and my family have been this year as the Lord has guided us through our challenges. I can honestly say Life is Good.
I don't mean that life can't go on or that it can't be wonderful and happy and full. Oh it does and is!
It just doesn't seem like anyone can tell me when after cancer is.
Most people ask me "So are you finished with all your treatments?" or "So are you in remission?" Essentially, "Is the cancer gone?"
These questions aren't as easy to answer as I expected! I apologize for when I just say "sure!" to make you feel better when really I mean "its a bit more complicated than that." Let me update you on exactly what I mean.
I had my 6th and final chemotherapy treatment in Rexburg in July. I didn't have a party or even balloons or anything; I was just happy to be done! My sister was visiting so we did a fun little bald photoshoot. We had to take advantage of the opportunity--when am I going to be bald again?? (Oh I'm praying that was a once in a lifetime!).
As soon as I returned to Mesa I started radiation therapy. It was a 10 minute appointment 5 days/week for 6 weeks. They put you on a table in a big room and line you up exactly with laser beams on all sides of you. Then they leave you all alone while the machine whirs around you zapping you with radiation waves in exactly the spots where the cancer was. It doesn't take long, but the loud sounds made me uncomfortable. I just took my favorite songs in my brain and that helped a lot! I was extremely blessed that my skin did amazingly well, and a friend gave me a cream that helped me heal. Many people have blistering and burning and itching. All the doctors and nurses told me how 'lucky' I was :).
So YES! I am finished with chemo and radiation! However, I still go in to my oncologist every three weeks for a drug called herceptin. It's an injection that is supposed to keep cancer from growing, but thankfully doesn't have a whole lot of other side effects. I'll finish that in April :). My doctor also wants me to start an oral drug called tamoxifen that most people are on for 5-10 years. I also have a multiple reconstructive surgeries in the next year. So.... doctors. For like the rest of my life. But that's why I chose doctors that I really like!!
 |
| One of the doctors I really love and her equally amazing PA |
The next question: Am I in remission? That term is a bit confusing to me (see the link for further explanation). What I do know is that in April they did a PET scan and found no sign of cancer in my body! Hooray! (*exhale now*) Everyone was so relieved! On the other hand, apparently there is a chance that little undetectable cancer floaties could be wandering around my body. And who knows if the cancer is environmental and could start up the same way it did before! Every treatment is meant to decrease my chances of recurrance, and I have frequent scans and tests for probably forever to make sure I'm clean and clear.
I'm sorry if this isn't making you feel better.
But you asked! Okay, well a lot of you did. Its just a lot of realities that are just part of my life now, and that's okay! I am blessed on so many levels: some people with cancer will be on chemotherapy for the rest of their lives, or are untreatable altogether. Some amazing women I know are fighting off their 2nd or 3rd round of breast cancer! Most people in general have a much more difficult time with the treatments than I had, physically AND emotionally. And this is just talking about cancer! Some brave people I know struggle with illnesses that have yet to be diagnosed or that have no treatments or cure. And even more difficult, many are dealing with emotional trials seemingly all alone. No offense, but whoever is reading this, honestly I will take my trial over yours. And I will pray for you in return!
As you talk to people you know with cancer, please understand and be sensitive that the battle may never truly be over for many. Honest and open questions are always welcomed and appreciated. But also know that cancer is not all we think about! In fact I love talking about the other things in my wonderful life! Cancer sometimes takes up a lot of time, but it is NOT my life, and it is NOT me. I am loving the ups and downs of being a third year orchestra teacher, awkwardly trying to stay in the dating game, being involved in my church, performing with EVMCO, meeting new people and keeping up with friends and family. This month has opened my eyes more fully to how richly blessed I and my family have been this year as the Lord has guided us through our challenges. I can honestly say Life is Good.
Amen!
ReplyDeleteYou are incredible, Lindsay! I'm so glad I knew you in Rexburg, and I hope we can catch up again someday!!!! You are a light, and truly an authentic optimist. I have always loved that about you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for explaining Lindsey. I needed to be inspired by such strength tonight.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! you are so inspiring to me and I'm glad we are friends. :)
ReplyDelete