"I want to be a mom," I remember telling my kindergarten teacher as other kids shared dreams of being firefighters, teachers, and astronauts.
I shared the same response when Bill asked me about my life aspirations on our first date. I was almost embarrassed that I didn't have anything more interesting to share, but it was true (and to his credit, it was one of the reasons he asked me out on a 2nd date). Motherhood has always seemed like the most important thing I could do.
I shared the same thing with doctors a year ago as we discussed taking a cancer treatment break to explore the option of having children. "It is the thing I want most in the world, and worth the risks," I told them.
Before chemotherapy treatment, my doctor brought up the fact that it would likely shut down my reproductive system, potentially permanently. He recommended a fertility specialist and I explored the idea of IVF in the case of that eventuality. But it just didn't feel right.
According to doctors, it is now nearly impossible for me to bear children, not to mention dangerous since my cancer is estrogen-receptor positive. Also, if it were to progress, treatment would jeopardize the health and life of the baby.
Bill and I are open to different ways of growing our family and started dipping our toes in the world of adoption (ps if you have experience you'd like to share, I have a lot to learn and plenty of questions).
With President Nelson's invitation to express gratitude this week, I've been considering reasons to be grateful we don't have kids yet. I'm sure all you parents out there could tell me the reasons I should cherish the time without kids for a little while 🙃.
I get to live in a clean house! (I'm not the clean one, I just get to benefit from Bill's cleanliness)
I get to spend my free time with Bill. I have free time! We read together, cook together, play games and instruments, and learn together watching Great Courses.
If I had been able to have kids in my 20's, I wouldn't have become a teacher, because I would have been a stay at home mom. I would have missed out on all I've learned and the precious friendships I made in Mesa with students, their families, and other staff.
Being a teacher in Iowa has allowed me to quickly make friendships and adjust in a new town. I love getting to know other musicians, teachers, and working with kids!
I am honestly enjoying this time and trying not to be impatient. My trust in the Lord and His promises continues to grow. He's promised that I will be a mother, so I know I will.
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