Lemonade!

My life has really taken some crazy spins lately! And it is a long story so you may want to settle in or save this one for later :)

First off, my birthday was in January! 26 so I'm over the shock of being the 'menace to society.' But honestly it was one of the best birthdays!  I treated myself and my friend Alicia to an Alex Boye concert to celebrate and it was just short of life changing.

He sang and talked about how we are gold, we are champions, and we are winners (maybe cheesy but I was inspired!). One of our favorite songs was Lemonade. Great reminder to make the best out of life no matter what you're given! So this is Part I of my lemonade story. It isn't meant to be a sob story, but to keep people that are important to me updated on what's going on, and hopefully just another proof that life can be bright even in the face of trials.

In November, I discovered a lump in my left breast. I'd never been to a doctor before! So I went through numerous tests and by the end of January, we discovered that I have breast cancer.

I got to wear these awesome shorts in the MRI. Everyone should get to experience that cool machine sometime in their lives... okay maybe not but if you do take some hymns in your brain to keep you entertained. That or the Planets (thanks Brother Tueller ;))

How do you respond when a doctor tells you over the phone you have cancer? hahaha... "um.. thanks? you have a good day too doc!" I had this moment where I knew I should be freaking out.... but somehow, I didn't.


The first time I cried about it was after I met with the first surgeon. He was like a robot spouting of statistics and numbers.  I felt very overwhelmed. But after that everything got better! I found some incredible surgeons and a remarkable oncologist that are committed to making my cancer a thing of the past and helping me see a bright future. Some incredible women have stepped up to support me through the whole thing. And suddenly people are doing all these nice anonymous things for me like bringing me flowers and sticky noting my door.

I have connected with family members and friends of friends and people at church that I wouldn't have otherwise. I am quickly learning just how many incredible women have also faced breast cancer! The doctor said one in nine women will go through it!

I finally told my students about it all last week. They were on to me that something was up because I was absent for appointments pretty frequently. I finally decided it was time to tell them when I found out some of them thought I was dying! Poor things. There was visible relief in the room when I told them I am definitely NOT. Haha. They are all so sweet and supportive. One girl bought some breast cancer awareness pencils and was ordering the students to "use this pencil!" "use this pencil!" I thought the boys would get squeamish, but they have been some of the most supportive. One boy declared a spirit day just for me and told all the students to wear pink just for me (I'd post a picture if I could!). Another boy pulled me aside and showed me his pink phone case in support of breast cancer awareness. They are so tender.

Haha the best reaction of all was my student said "Ms Barnes! When you are bald, you have to draw Voldemort on the back of your head! I think it will cheer you up!" bahahaha!

We started a happy wall in my room. I didn't have a bulletin board, so we made one up out of butcher paper and some old borders.  The kids made it a class project to put it together.  I want them to know that everybody has hard times, but everybody also has blessings in their lives. When we focus on the good and try to laugh through the bad, we are able to get through a little easier. They have been my outlet and sense of purpose through all this.  I'm so grateful I have something to do to keep my mind off things!

What is helping me most of all is my understanding of the gospel and my patriarchal blessing. I know that this body is just a body: it doesn't define who I am. It is a temple for my Spirit, and sometimes it doesn't work. And some day it will be made perfect in the resurrection! I'm really grateful for the word of wisdom because I can find comfort in knowing I haven't caused this cancer by anything that is known to cause it (like use of drugs). Breast cancer is not in my family. As far as we understand so far, it is something that happened to me, and not even the doctors know the reason. Which, to me, shows me that there must just be something I am meant to learn and someday I'll understand why. I'm learning that our happiness should be founded in Jesus Christ, not in our health or in people or in everything going 'perfectly.'

"In THEE is my joy"  Book of Mormon, Alma 33:11

Are there hard things about it? Definitely. Facing surgery and chemo is scary, especially when considering the long-term effects on my body. But I have so much support and many prayers (thank you!) and somehow, I'm not afraid. The prayers must be working ;)

UPDATE: I will try to keep you posted on what is going on through this blog. For now, the details are that I will have a unilateral mastectomy on Wednesday, March 11 at a surgical center in Scottsdale, where I will be spending only one night.  They won't know the details about the stage of the cancer or the type or length of chemo until they remove the tumor. My mother is coming down to take care of me for about 10 days, and my father will come down for a bit too. The girls in my ward will be bringing dinners for a little while at least, and many others have offered (thanks!!). I'll be taking 3-4 weeks off school to recover, and I have found a fantastic substitute! I'm open to ideas for great books to read and fun movies while I recover ;). I won't be starting chemotherapy for at least 3 weeks. I'm very open about things so feel free to ask questions or call to talk. Thanks for all your support!

I saw this license plate while driving home from work one day. Its probably illegal or something to post someone's license plate--sorry whoever you are! But thanks for the inspiration!