Reality Check Wednesday

There's a first time for everything right? So today I got to check myself into the ER. I'm okay! But it was a long day.

The reason for the title on this one is because this morning I was thinking about my posts, and hoping that people don't get the false idea that this is all sort of easy, or on the other hand that I hide all the bad and am not being sincere.  First please understand that I mean everything I say: I am truly blessed! And I do believe that my burden is being carried by many besides me. But I do choose to focus on the good because that's what uplifts me, and I hope that's what uplifts other people. I am honestly grateful for this trial because it makes so clear the hand of God in my life.

There are some things about this trial that are realistically scary and challenging. Its pretty scary to find a lump where it is not supposed to be, especially when you are far from home and you've never needed to go to a doctor in your life.  Being poked with needles is no fun. Maybe some people think ultrasounds and CT/MRI/PET scans are scary too. I actually think those are fun but that's because I'm weird! But thats just the thing: I choose to retain my sense of wonder! About my body and the world.  My spirit is down here on this little adventure and my body is like its own personal little school all tailored just for me (thats how good God is: His school is one-on-one instruction!). As long as I remember that I'm in the hands of the Lord, I'm not so afraid. That and I keep Mozart Symphony #40 in my head to distract myself. 

Hard to believe these pictures are the same day. Hard to believe they are the same person!
 It really wasn't as dramatic as it looks.

This morning was another kind of scary time. So after my last chemo treatment, I've noticed my right arm has been a bit swollen (you know-like when you're hiking and dehydrated? That feeling.) I didn't really think anything of it because I have a million other little side effects from the treatments. But before work my physical therapist let me know that that is not normal and that I should see my doctor immediately. I appreciated that she told me it was something serious instead of trying to make me feel good about it! Then I could get it taken care of as soon as possible.  I left school early to get a vascular ultrasound, and it turned out I have a blood clot just under my clavical.  I had no idea what that meant, but I thought the worst that could happen is they would have to cut my arm off, and for some reason that made me laugh! I know it sounds horrible! but I kind of figured it just wasn't going to be that bad and that I could deal with anything less drastic.

They sent me to the ER, where I mostly just waited. And waited. But I had fun laughing with the nurses and doctors. I'm trying to learn to be like my dad: no matter where he is or what circumstance, he talks to people and teases people and makes them feel important and noticed. I'm discovering that it makes life a lot more fun when you actually talk to the people around you.

My oncologist Dr. Polowy (have I said how much I like him? Greatest doctor ever!) came to talk to me personally. Because my chemo port is so close to the clot, he says it is kind of in the way of clearing the clot. SO tomorrow I get to see my surgeon again to take out the port. Good thing I like my surgeon too! 

After a shot of blood thinners and a CT scan (which was completely clear by the way, so don't be worried!) they finally sent me home. I will be at home for a couple days because they don't want me waving my arms around all day and make the swelling worse.  It should be a pretty relaxed couple of days! I will be on blood thinners for at least the next ten days. Thanks again for all your prayers and support! I never feel alone.

This manequin was in a wig shop by my house. For real!! I think this one must be on chemo haha!!